


would you kill me in jerusalem?

by sulf3r



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Canon Compliant, Canon Timeline, Canonical Character Death, Dialogue Light, Gen, IMPLIED kakashi/rin, Introspection, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Time Skips, except i tweak it a little because kakashi's timeline is a fucking mess, i didnt give minato nearly enough lines in this, i somehow managed to shove my 'kakashi has a nice singing voice' headcanon into this, impressive overuse of commas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulf3r/pseuds/sulf3r
Summary: After two years or so of being dead, you’ve realized you miss being alive. You miss the team, and Konoha, and your home.You miss Obito, who’s causing havoc all for your sake. Tearing up cities, even your own village. It’s funny, if not a little heartbreaking.And then you miss Kakashi, who you’ve been forcing to the back of your mind for nearly 3 years.Kakashi Hatake, from the eyes of you, Rin Nohara.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Nohara Rin, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Itachi, Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin
Kudos: 18





	would you kill me in jerusalem?

**Author's Note:**

> hellodifsducjsfbdj....... this is my first _posted_ work on ao3 in years  
> i listened to mitski's album puberty 2 while writing most of this, most of this was also written at 2 am during a kinshift so hopefully that excuses any poor writing  
> title is from my body's made of crushed little stars by mitski as well  
> UUHHHHH IDK WHAT ELSE TO PUT HERE  
> i hope you enjoy this..... this was incredibly self indulgent.. *runs*

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_Do you believe in heaven?_ is often viewed as a rather stupid question.

Either in one way, or the other. _Of course _, or _What? Of course not._ To each their own, maybe. __

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Kakashi falls a little in between. He gets the question one day, from Naruto, tone surprisingly subdued, but eyes shining with curiosity. The whole effect is immediately nullified.

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Kakashi is caught off guard, to say the least. The question had definitely not what he had been expecting, certainly not from Naruto. Maybe Sasuke, but certainly not him.

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He has to think on that for a moment. _Do I?_

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“Maa, why not? It’s not like any of us down here could tell. Would have t’ask a dead person,” He turns a page of his book, and Naruto huffs before ordering another bowl of ramen. 

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He isn’t really lying. He doesn’t think he’d be able to answer with full honesty either way.  
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Heaven is real, to an extent. Sort of.

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There isn’t a god on a pedestal, perfect fluffy clouds or a staircase leading back to earth. No people with wings.

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Maybe more like an abyss, with infinite skyline and no ground, just air to walk on. 

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But in definition alone, you could call it that. The dead are there. They can see earth, even if there’s nothing they can do to alter it. 

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So sure, heaven is real. 

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Now let’s put you in the shoes of Rin Nohara, only recently dead, slowly waking in--- heaven? 

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Hm. 

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Let’s call it the Other Side, simply to avoid that discussion. 

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But Rin is now here, just shortly after losing near-everything. From her point of view, _your_ point of view, you can hear the distant sound of rushing water, and you can see a blurred horizon. 

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That’s all. 

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Your mind immediately races to Kakashi, and then there’s a jolt of regret, still fresh. It openly bleeds, infesting your mind with worries and relentless thoughts like _is he okay,_ _is he fighting,_ _**where is he—**_

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You remind yourself of your recent, bloody, end. The scene plays over in horrible detail, capturing every twitch, every ounce of pain, every lost breath. 

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You fully process your fate, that you are, in every way that matters, dead. You are no longer on earth, and you can no longer talk to the living. That’s what happened. That’s how it is. You did it for the good of everyone, and you can't ask for more. 

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You go on, like that. It takes a while. Sort of.

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You meet people, people you didn’t know you were related to, and you also _don’t_ meet people. 

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Obito Uchiha, dead since 2 years ago, isn’t here. He’s not dead. You’re both happy and sad, when you learn this information. 

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You go to check on what he’s doing, and that sad part of you increases tenfold. 

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But you know he’s doing it for you, so you can’t be too angry with him. He just cares too much. He’s still just as childish and he’s still just as determined as he was before. 

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Kakashi stills feels a bit like an open wound to you. You’re frustrated at yourself for this. _This wasn’t your loss_ , you remind yourself. You have no place to resent him. 

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But you don’t resent him, and you know this. There’s something else, maybe guilt, that persists. 

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It’s nothing you let yourself be concerned with. 

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A year or so into being dead, Minato-sensei arrives, with Kushina-san there to accompany him. 

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Neither are happy that they’re here, and you can tell. You know they wanted to be there for their son, who is now alone. But you can see them, talk to them, and they’re happy to see you too.

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You know it’s not good, since they both died young, and that they had so much more to live through together. You know, and yet, you let yourself feel a little happy that you're with each other again. 

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They ask questions, like where Obito is. You tell them he isn’t here, and they both seem almost relieved. They don’t ask more about him. You have a feeling they already know, or at least have a hunch. 

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You don’t ask about Kakashi, though you know you should. You haven’t seen him in a long time.

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Living alone, with the exception of Minato-sensei and Kushina-san, who are good company, is a bit depressing.

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You’re used to a house with lively people and plants and a pet. So sleeping on nothing is a little.. disconcerting.  
The silence is, too. It's so incredibly quiet. You wish, just a little, that you could sleep at home again, in the comfort and warmth and familiarity that came with it. A pity. You can't do anything about it, of course. There's no point in mourning what was. 

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After two years or so of being dead, you’ve realized you miss being alive. You miss the team, even if Minato-sensei is here, and Konoha, and your home. 

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You miss Obito, who’s causing havoc all for your sake. Tearing up cities, even your own village. It’s funny, if not a little heartbreaking. 

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And then you miss Kakashi, who you’ve been forcing to the back of your mind for nearly 3 years. It comes to your attention that you haven’t even been aware of what he’s doing at this point, and that’s where you draw the line. You have to at least know that fact.

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You decide to check on him, which ends up being the first time you've seen him since your death. All you remember of your last look at Kakashi was the pure fear in his eye, and then the unbridled grief that followed. 

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You first find him sleeping, which is a little odd to you, considering it’s 3 in the afternoon at the time. He’s in a tree, no doubt within the walls of Konoha. He’s taller. He’s slimmer, too, strangely so. You have to double check that this is him at first, with a full porcelain mask covering his face. 

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But it’s him alright, and you decide to leave him to sleep in peace for the time being. At least he’s there, he’s still in Konoha, he’s still Kakashi, even if he is a little older. 

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You check on him again, the next day, this time when you first wake up. Knowing he’s still there causes you a little curiosity at what he’s doing all day. Though you're not sure why you doubt that in the first place. Maybe that's Obito's doing. Probably. 

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There’s no uncertainty in your mind that he’s surely doing work, but you’d like to know how, and what that work is, at least. 

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You learned where he lives currently from Kushina, when she was back in her spirits enough to talk again. It's a small apartment on the streets of Konoh, quaint and bland. It's forgettable. That was probably what he was going for, though. You find his bed empty. 

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It’s a little unusual, not having any idea where he could be. You can’t help but worry a little. It's in your nature, even if you two are now separated. 

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You decide to ask Minato-sensei about Kakashi, about what he was like before Minato’s death. 

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When you ask, he smiles sadly. “He really did his best. He tried so, so hard. He still does, I’m sure. He does more than anyone else.” He looks off into the distant horizon, past the nothingness, as if there really is something beautiful there. Maybe there is. "I hope he's okay. I really do." 

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You don't doubt him for a second, but something in the way Minato talks about him is... off. It certainly doesn't sit right with you and certainly doesn't dampen your concern. Logically, you're very much aware that Kakashi has been through a lot. You always have been. It's what attracted you to him in the beginning, what made you want to help him, give him assistance and guidance. But he's definitely different now, and he's lost even more. 

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You check again about a week later, early into the evening. You find his apartment empty again. Though not for long. 

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He was on a mission, you realize only a little bit belatedly. But above all, he’s back, and you can see him without that strange mask you have yet to know the meaning of. 

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Your worry still doesn’t subside, in fact, it might even just get worse. 

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The door is pushed open weakly, and Kakashi limps through the doorway, looking like he just walked from one nation to another, one hand holding the other arm up. He meagerly drags himself across his small apartment, all that effort, just to collapse onto the couch. 

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He looks as slim as he was last time, and this is as slim as you’ve ever seen him. He’s even thinner than he was as a small child. Which is bad, really bad, actually, since he’s 16. 

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You watch as he practically forces himself up into a sitting position and removes his protective attire, scratched and blood stained, before flopping back onto the couch. 

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You come to the realization that you haven't heard the present version of Kakashi speak yet. And if all of his days are like this, you might not for a while. 

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That thought resurfaces. _Is this what everyday is like?_ You don’t let yourself make assumptions, since this is only the second time you’ve seen him within 2 weeks, which is plenty of time to prove otherwise. But a nagging feeling tells you you’re right, and it bothers you to no end.  
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A month or so into checking on him once every two days leads you to believe that yes, every day is like that. He goes on missions that last an indefinite amount of time, and he returns, exhausted and likely injured, and immediately repeats that tired, straining cycle. 

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You eventually figure out how to follow him on his missions, to see what he’s doing. 

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It doesn’t really help. 

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You learn Kakashi is on ANBU, which explains the dog mask he wears. He's a captain, but has been mostly recruited for solo missions as of recently. You're not sure why. 

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Part of you is impressed, and so, so, proud of him, and the other is... sad. Horrified. 

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The missions Kakashi is taking are awful. Even if you aren’t actually there, you can smell the blood in the air. They’re horrific and gruesome and ridiculously violent and Kakashi is a _kid._

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They’re also incredibly taxing, and you can easily tell that they take a lot out of him. He's always had low chakra, but you only really get to see how affecting it is once he's in battle. He constantly looks exhausted, but more importantly, he looks miserable.

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You’ve never seen the present version of Kakashi smile. This revelation does not leave you, not when you stop looking at him, not when you do other things, not when you sleep silent, dreamless slumber.  
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You hear his voice, eventually. 

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You take about a months break from looking into his life. It stresses you out sometimes. You feel insurmountably bad about it, considering that he’s the one living it, he’s the one who’s tired and miserable and overworked. But that knowledge just makes it worse, so you put it off. It's not like he could miss you, since he doesn't know you're there to begin with.

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As it turns out, there _are_ people who he talks to. 

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You learn about Tenzō, who was a creation born straight into military. He’s Kakashi’s underclassman, and you can see the admiration in his eyes when he looks at him. It's kinda cute.

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You think he’s funny. In addition to that, you’re happy someone cares about Kakashi at all, even if it is just hero worship. It causes a little flicker of warmth in your dead heart.

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It seems like they talk a decent amount, but you aren’t here to see it. You feel a little jealous, and a little sad, for some inexplainable reason. It feels a little like team nostalgia. 

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You hear Kakashi’s voice, and your reaction is a little bit akin to whiplash. It’s deeper, not by a lot, but definitely a sizable margin. It’s lost its slight rasp, and is more like a drawl than anything. 

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It’s lazy and smooth and it’s wonderful. You’re frustrated you didn’t get to hear it sooner. It's not necessarily your fault, since Kakashi hasn't really been spending that much time recently speaking, but it isn't really his fault either. 

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When he _does_ speak, he mostly makes reports, gives out instructions. It’s a bit of a pity, you think, since he’s probably great at singing. But he does say other things here and there that're informal, and you treasure them. 

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He’s quite different when he’s with people in a casual setting from when he's at home or on missions, which is what you normally see. 

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He’s much more relaxed, or so you guess. He takes on the role of sarcasm, of light teasing and quips, and his outward demeanor is so not what you’re used to that it’s almost strange. It's even more like whiplash now.

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He takes light jabs at people, riles them up. He's really good at it, too. It reminds you a little of how he was with Obito, and how easily he was able to make him restless. You smile sadly at that.

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This demeanor dissolves once he opens his apartment door and collapses on his couch. He never sleeps in his bed, you notice. Although, you usually make a point to leave him alone during sleep, since it feels slightly weird. Perhaps just a little invasive. 

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So, maybe, just maybe, he moves to the bed in the middle of the night. Although, you doubt it.  
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One day, an otherwise similar day to all the others, he comes home particularly injured. His limp is awful, with his left leg almost entirely useless. He’s holding himself differently, today. Gone is his otherwise slumped posture, replaced by thick tension and lethargy. He looks like he’s fighting to keep himself upright at all.

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He takes a seat on one of his kitchen chairs, removing his ANBU attire. It only reveals more tatters underneath, with several openly bleeding gashes and what looks to be a broken rib.

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You take one look at his wounds and flinch. The medic you once were wants so badly to heal what is broken, to force him to go to a damned hospital or at least to take a rest day. Maybe even a rest week, because he is _really_ pushing it.

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Despite his injuries, he makes no effort to leave to go to a medic, he doesn’t even eat anything. He simply falls onto his couch like usual, and that’s the supposed end of his day.

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You’re appalled. You knew his self preservation was bad, but not this bad. _Does he even want to live anymore? Does he care at all?_

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You already feel like you know that answer, so you pretend you never asked to begin with.

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You decide that this is the one exception, that you will watch him sleep this once. Just to make sure he actually does sleep, and that he gets actual rest. His health is more important than anything at this moment.

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You can’t do anything about it if he doesn’t. You know this. It stings regardless. 

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You watch as, for most of the night, he sleeps slightly restlessly, tossing and turning a strange amount of times. This is fine. He’s sleeping and that’s what matters to you. It’s fine until it isn’t anymore.

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You’re starting to doze off yourself, even if you don’t actually really get tired. Until, at the prime hour of 4 in the morning, Kakashi jolts out of sleep immediately. 

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He’s breathing heavily and shaking and he looks terrible. You can’t think of any other reason he would wake up like that other than a nightmare. That fact itself unsettles you. Kakashi has always been composed, so fearless, what could he possibly have a nightmare about that would shake him that much—-

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Then you think about your death, his Chidori through your torso, his eye filled with absolute terror. Then you think about Obito’s, his left sharingan in his hands, then Minato's, the Kyuubi reaping havoc and Kakashi standing there _motionlessly_ \---- 

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He doesn’t go back to bed after that. He gets up to brace himself for another mission of unknown length, a mission that’ll leave him spent and that’ll chip away at whatever sanity he has left. He'll come home afterwards, and this will repeat. 

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You decide that you hate this, that this is where you draw the line. You absolutely hate this. You absolutely fucking despise watching your friend, your teammate, _Kakashi_ , someone who you've always believed to deserve so much, suffer so often, so silently. 

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It crosses your brain at some point how alone he is. He has no team anymore, no sensei, nobody to go to for guidance or comfort. Maybe he has friends that you aren’t aware of. But if they’re even there at all, they sure aren’t around enough. You want to comfort him so badly. You want so, so, deeply just to tell him it’ll be okay. You want to tell him he’s doing fine, and that he’s working as hard as he needs to.

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But you can’t, and you have to watch him suffer. It hurts more than the knowledge of being dead itself, more than anything else you endured while alive. More than your death to begin with.

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More than anything else, you’re angry. You’re angry at Konoha, at the Hokage, at ANBU, at Danzo, at the godforsaken war that ended years ago. The war he was born into, the war that raised him more than anyone else did. The war that built him into being a machine, an _asset_ , before a kid, a _human_.

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You’ve never seen a single child done so incredibly wrong. So, so sabotaged by everything to ever come their way. 

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You are witnessing, first hand, the suffering of the strongest person you know. Kakashi is so incredibly strong, so resistant, so repressed, but more than that, more than any of that, he’s a _kid._

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He’s a child. He’s a child that tries so, so hard to be worth something, to be someone who can help his village and his leaders and his people. He’s a child who has been through a war and seen more than most adult soldiers have. 

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It isn’t fair. Not to you, not to Minato, not to Kakashi’s father, or mother, and _certainly_ not to Kakashi himself. He doesn’t deserve this. 

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It crosses your mind that he probably thinks the same thing. Not in that context, but the same.

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Kakashi was always a realist, always seeing the truth and the facts and nothing else. But you know he isn’t who he was, so this may be futile. You’re sure he’s been warped by what’s happened to him to some degree. Actually, you do know, since you now know so much of what he’s seen and persisted past, and that there is absolutely no way he came out of any of it unaffected. 

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It’s more of a twisted sense of optimism than pessimism. The knowledge that everything has the chance to be okay, that there is a lot of good out there, and that he should be happy about it. So, yeah, he probably thinks the same thing, looking at all that is good in the world, all that isn't his. He probably looks at his comrades, at Tenzō, at Konoha, at all the people who admire him, his own life, and thinks _I don’t deserve this._

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It hurts. It hurts so, so much.

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All you can do is hope, hope so deeply, that someone will care about him like you do. That someone, anyone, will look at him and realize he needs _somebody._

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Until then, you vow that you’ll always be there, even if you aren’t there in reality.  
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You keep to your promise.

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You’re with him most hours of the day, with the exception of when you leave in order not to feel fully invasive. That’s about it, though. Other than that, you’re with Kakashi at all times, although perhaps not in person.

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It’s been around 5 months of being by his side. Well. As close to being by his side as you can get, considering you don't actually have a physical form. His days are the same as they’ve always been, missions, coming home, and leaving for more missions. It's the same cycle, and you still don't like it.

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But there are a few moments when he goes out with his fellow jōnin, no more ANBU mask, only his usual one. Those are your favorites. Hearing Kakashi’s voice, his near-insults, his banter, maybe even laughter. You’d reprimand him if you could, smile along with him. It’d be fine, everything would be fine, you would be alive, and he could be a little less damaged.

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But that isn’t the world he lives in, not the one you used to live in.

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But it’s okay if you can’t be there. As long as Kakashi can feel a little better, even just for a moment, it’s okay. Even if it is slightly forced, and even if it is mostly a facade, as long as he enjoys himself, as long as he gets a break, you will learn to be satisfied. 

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There’s nothing more you could ask for. You do wish he’d take breaks like that more often, but he doesn’t, so they’re few and far between. 

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Once you start following him on missions more often, you get a better sense of his fighting patterns. He’s just as strong and agile as you remember him being, all he was and so much more.

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He’s much better at stealth now. Even as the best at stealth in Team Minato, he wasn’t this good. You’re still impressed, and the pride you felt before only increases now that you’ve seen the full extent of his abilities. 

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Although you may be proud, you still worry about him, which was to be expected. 

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Every time he comes home, bruised and bone deep exhausted, the familiar desire to comfort, to heal, comes back at full force. Every time he wakes up at ungodly hours of the morning, trembling and scared, head in his hands.

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Every time he spends minutes afterwards at the sink, washing blood that isn’t there off of his hands. And every time he washes blood that _is_ there away after an assassination, a minuscule tremble to his limbs and a faraway look in his single grey eye.

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Every time he falters on missions, falling to his knees after stealing someone’s life from them. Every time his hands shake after performing a successful Chidori, no doubt thinking about you, about how he took _your_ life from _you_ , even if he didn’t. 

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Every time he stops at the memorial stone on his way home from those missions, staring emptily at Obito’s and Minato’s and Kushina’s and your name. Sometimes he sits there for hours, just looking into the nothing of the distance. 

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Every day, you wish for nothing else other to hold his hand. To let him know you’re there, and that he’s okay. But you can’t, and it’s truly cruel. 

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You continue to find it deathly unfair, but there’s nothing to do about it.  
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Years pass of this.

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He’s more or less the same, and so is his routine. It’s the same general cycle as it was years ago, maybe with a few extra occurrences in between.

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He’s surrounded by more people, now. You accompany him to more outings than before, the same jōnin group, all now slightly taller and more mature.

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Kakashi is taller too, his voice even deeper. He’s still very lean, and he still comes home exhausted and injured concerningly often, but you think he might be getting a little better.

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A little. 

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He’s still not doing good, you know that for sure. But you can’t help feel a little bit hopeful that one day, it’ll be better. 

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He’s 21, now. A full fledged, complete adult. It's a little strange to think about, Kakashi being older than you. He's always been so young in your eyes. He’s no longer at a questionable age to be in ANBU.

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The fact that he’s still in ANBU at all never ceases to bother you. Now that he’s 21, he’s been there for 8 years. You think he might as well been there from birth.

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He wasn’t far off from it, in all honesty, you think. He was 5 when he started working for his village, for the supposed better of the world. Konoha's world. 

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That sinking feeling of unfairness has never left you. Even if he’s nowhere near a kid anymore, you still don’t think anything that happened to him was right. 

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You almost don’t think the way he treats himself is fair, offering his life to his leaders, his village, at the blink of an eye, the drop of a pin—

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Nothing can be done. Not by you.  
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Both you and Kakashi meet Itachi Uchiha about a month or so later. 

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He’s a nice kid, 13, just as hard working as Kakashi was at that age. You like him. He’s so incredibly polite it’s almost painful. He’s the definition of stoicism, but you only find it cute. You almost want to poke his nose.

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Kakashi likes him too, ruffling his hair and treating him a little bit like Tenzo, with the same sort of favoritism. Itachi responds with what he deems the correct response, which is often unintentionally passive aggressive. Both you and Kakashi find this hilarious. 

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But even as a slightly adorable teenager, he’s more than capable as an ANBU agent. He’s yet another prodigy, graduating the academy just a year older than Kakashi was, and setting the record for the chuunin exams time. He's the spitting image of the Uchiha, and holds a grace that Obito would've killed for. 

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But even as a prodigy, he strives to be better. You’re aware of the pedestal Itachi puts Kakashi on, and Kakashi painfully so. He always is. He always knows what people think of him, straight to the point. You know he doesn't think he deserves it. 

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(You don’t miss his wince when the Sandaime says “ _As expected from you, Kakashi-kun_.”, no matter how painful it was to recognize it.)

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But Itachi, unlike his other kouhai, doesn’t allow the hero worship to get in the way of who Kakashi actually is on the battlefield. He recognizes patterns, quirks, fighting styles, and adapts to them. He's damn near untouchable. Another thing Obito would've envied.

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You appreciate him for this. It allows Kakashi to loosen up, whether it be in combat or not. Kakashi puts more trust in him than anyone else on his squad. You don't find this trust to be misplaced, either. 

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They work well together, you think. You’re not blind, you can see the favoritism, how it might be just a little unfair. But you can also see the cohesion, how they mesh well. It allows a small, cautious flicker of pride in you.

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You don't exactly call them friends, since their main and only major connection is through work, but they're something similar. You find their relationship funny. It's a little reminiscent of him and Obito, just a little. He's probably noticed, too. Maybe that's why he looks at him with a sad smile, a look that is all too knowing and all too pained.

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When the Uchiha clan is massacred by none other than Kakashi's strangely charming, oddly cute kouhai, you can't say you expected it. You'd say Kakashi didn't either, but you know he knows just a little better than that. Unfortunately. 

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It doesn't make it any easier to look at the horrors of the ravaged Uchiha compound, to look at a once prosperous clan, torn down, left in blood. It sickens you, but even more so shakes you to your core. Accompanying Kakashi on his ANBU missions has shown you your fair share of violent ends, to soldiers, usually, but this is... different. 

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These are civilians. Not enemies of war, not missing-nin. These are Konoha residents, people who had no intention to harm anyone. They didn't know anything. 

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You're horrified. One awful, masochistic part of you flashes to the small face of Itachi Uchiha, polite and unbothered and young. So young. (It reminds you just a little of Obito, an Uchiha who turns out to be a killer.) 

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But one thing will never make sense to you, not now, not ever.

_Why?_

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There is not a single part of you that understands it. Not one little bit. Not one thing sticks out to you as to why this boy, sweet in his own strange way, measured and calculated in everything he does, would kill his own people so mercilessly. So brutally. Even the messiness of it all, blood smeared everywhere, bodies strewn across the street, seems unlike him.

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His own kin. His own _family._

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Kakashi isn't exactly unaffected by it, either. He spends longer at the memorial stone the night after, tracing yours and Obito's name with a dulled kunai. He pulls up his hitai-ate that normally would cover his sharingan, a hollow sort of grief in both his and Obito's eyes.

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It's a look you know can only be acquired with time, with seeing too much for far too long. You know he had expected this, that he had expected to fail yet again. To let someone down once more, to result in tragedy.  
You wish he knew that it wasn't his fault. That not everything can be blamed on his shortcomings. 

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But he doesn't know that. You don't think he ever has. 

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And so, Kakashi is alone again. Not by definition, but certainly in intention.

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The universe knows you would rather die again than to leave his side, so you are forced to watch as he falls again. The day always seems to arrive where you come full circle.

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You’re back to being helpless, to watching him suffer in silence. Again.

How cruel. 

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As it turns out, maybe there are people who care about him as much as you do. 

His friends, his fellow jonin, all older than him. They did what you prayed for, what you hoped for for _so long_. They noticed what you have been watching for nearly fifteen years, they noticed his almost eagerness for death, his complete disregard for his own health, his own _life_. 

You don't think you've ever experienced such relief, such gratitude for anybody before. 

Kakashi is pulled from ANBU, and is put in charge of a genin squad. They're certainly an interesting group of kids. 

Naruto, who you and Kakashi recognize as Minato-sensei's and Kushina's son, Konoha's jinchuuriki. Sasuke, who Kakashi knows as the lone survivor of the Uchiha Massacre, yet another skilled Uchiha, and Sakura, an otherwise regular civilian girl, with pink hair and one hell of an attitude. 

You like them. They're a bit reminiscent of your team, Team Minato. Naruto reminds you so much of Obito it's almost painful. Kakashi isn't immune to noticing the similarities either, and he smiles sadly at their team photo every now and then. 

Kakashi's ways of teaching are a little unorthodox, you won't lie, but you find it more funny than anything else. The genin's reactions are even better.

True to the word of his friends, responsibility does something for him, perhaps. He may be late for everything, and he might be a pain in the ass, but if he was a little bit of fun with it, who're you to complain. It's really nice, actually, to see him _not_ injured or completely spent all the time. It lets you save your worry, and saves him a broken bone or two.

So maybe, just _maybe_ , he can spend a while without some tragic event. 

Unfortunately, with his luck and the world's need to use him as its guinea pig, you're sure this won't last as long as you'd both like it to. You hate it, but you know it's likely true. 

But maybe he can have a limbo, a time where somebody doesn't feel the need to leave him. Where there isn't some event where he can find some way to make it his fault. 

Until then, you'll be here.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. im sorry rin is very one dimensional in this, i didnt rly consider it until i read it over completely??? my intention was to use her as a way to view the events of the story, and ended up making her very boring  
> 2\. THE ENDING AND BEGINNING ARE BOTH SO AWKWARD I AM SO SORRY i might make this into a series bc i rly hate how i ended this  
> 3\. errrmmm.. sasuke foreshadowing?? kinda wack....  
> 4\. i wanted to include minato and kushina in this so much more than i did.. it was hard to implement them naturally so i just kinda.. didn't. top tier writing choice  
> 5\. i hate konoha for how badly it did kakashi and itachi and sasuke and naruto and SO MANY OTHERS and it might've shown too much  
> 6\. obito is very much a background character and i kinda wish he wasn't  
> 7\. i projected HARD in this so erm.. sorry  
> 8\. I ALSO WANTED TO FUCKING INCLUDE SAKUMO AND I DIDNT AND IM SO MAD AT MYSELF  
> 9\. anywho!!!! ppl normally link their twt here but mine was disabled so follow my tumblr @/crabtrademark <3!  
> thank you for reading JSHFHUHE !!!!!! -kye


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